Ah yes, I’m here to share a lil snippet of my college adventures and the trash ass shit that I saw/did. It got weird at times to say the least. I had to have a few folks refresh my memory on the antics that went down, so some names are real and some are not!!

 The year was 2005, Lil Jon and snap music was all the rage and we all had T-Pain’s “I’m In Love With A Stripper” on replay.  Thee early ‘00s also meant that the idea of getting dressed to hit the 18+ club basically meant pick a color out the Skittles pack, put said color on your eyes, slap on some drugstore mascara and find some earrings out the Simply Fashions to to match. To top off the look, you’d just add a wide belt on your waist tight as hell until you look as swollen as a Boudin sausage…yes, I am cringing as I type. We also wore sunglasses in the club, THAT WAS NOT A GAME! Fabo glasses match my Shoe World heels bitch! As y’all can see, I preferred the Skittles Tropical pack during this period and I also was wearing Care Bears Pajamas with a pink and diamond grill at the club for a PJ Party while while the D4L hit song “Got More Hoes In My Cell Phone Than Georgia Southern College” blares in the background. A MESS, ok?

Now that I have established the level of fuckery, I should tell you that the college I attended is called Wesleyan College. And NO, it’s not the Wesleyan College up north that everyone assumes when you bring my school up in conversation. It’s an all-girls school and the oldest women’s college in the world. Wesleyan is located in Macon, GA (I should have known I had shit fucked up when I’m living in a place that rhymes with bacon but I digress). Small lil town, small town people. Now since the school is Methodist based, a lotta people sent their daughters there thinking that they would be focused on school since there were no men attending school there, and BOY were they wrong. 

Now what these parents didn’t realize that an all-girls school DEFINITELY brings men around! A lot of the young White girls I went to school with have been in private schools their whole life are ready to show some nekkid ass!!! Now a private all-girls school has a lot of different rules that we had to follow, and one rule was that if you bring a guy in the dorm to come hang out or whatever, you have to yell out “MAN ON HALL!” when you get to your floor because there’s communal showers, so this warning gives me a chance to duck back in the shower until you pass. Now a lot of these girls are thirsty as fuck and didn’t know how to conduct themselves when men were around. Shit, you meet a cute dude at the mall, he tried to come hang out at your dorm and all the sudden you got three bitches who barely even speak to you conveniently coming by to borrow pencils and whatever other dumb shit they can think of just to get a peek at some dick!

 Sooooo one night freshman year, I’m getting ready to go out to the club. I started college when I was 17 so I was only able to go out when my friend who looked similar to me wasn’t using her ID (which wasn’t too often so when I went out y’all know I had to turn the fuck up!) I’m visiting a friend in another dorm getting ready, and outta the blue I hear “MAN ON HALL!” And I look up and it was some lil White girl I didn’t know with a FOINE ass man coming down the hallway! (I mean, he kinda looked like Chingy, and we thought Chingy was cute in ‘05 so don’t you fucking judge us OK?)

He was bout 6’4 too , y’all know I like me a tall daddy! Now there’s this girl who also lives in this dorm we will call Barbara. I don’t fuck bitches but sis was BADDD! She was She was about 5’8, huge ass booty, stomach on flat-flat, and gorgeous teeth. Now Barbara knew she was a stallion and was pretty flirtatious. Barbara is coming out the shower and hears the girl call out “MAN ON HALL!” and she sees Lil Chingy and what does she do????? You already know….she accidentally-on-purpose drops her WHOLE FUCKING TOWEL in front of this man!!! Barbara cover up pretty fast tryna act embarrassed and ole girl is dragging this man away but BITCH I PEEPED GAME, YOU WAS TRYNA TEST OUT SOME DICK! Dude had a big ass smile but he quickly tries to play it off. This girl stays in her room all of 5 minutes and gets her man out that dorm quick as hell, Barb showed that puss so she had to retreat, FOH! Barbara wanted that dude so bad that by only knowing the guy’s first name she finds him on there (Yes people FB stalk these days, but in ’05 only college students were on there and we didn’t know just how fucked up social media was gonna be to know to check ya man’s stuff smh). She finds him and lo and behold what do I seeeee? Two weeks later, that lil Suburban creeping in the dorm parking lot at 5AM…..and Barbara sitting in the front seat trying to lean back cuz there was no tint! I never told nobody what I saw, and ole girl went on to marry Lil Chingy and drop out of school to be with him, never knowing that he was juggling Barbara for a month without her knowing smh. Oh well, being around too many vag’s for too long makes you cut up smh.

Now I had a variety of friends Black and White, WHY? Because my momma could only afford to send me $100 a month and I needed shit and being friends with everybody makes it so you get hooked up! Hell, I’m 17, I need to be good with whoever can buy my 2 King Size bottles of Smirnoff Ice OK! (them shits was a combined total of $6, it was either those or Taaka Vodka, dear God…..the hangovers.) Now my white friends were cool and were into all types of dick adventures. They also looked out for me too, and while my Black friends were mixing up Ramen packet meals tryna make something outta nothing and getting hooked up by the cafeteria workers Chicken & Squirrel, (yes, one was named Chicken, one was named Squirrel, and no we didn’t know their real names), I had a lil help, like a girl named Allison who would purposely let her mom buy food she didn’t like for her at the grocery store when she would come once a month and let me shop outta her freezer when her mom left, she was a real one! That’s me and her below.

The White dick adventures got weird, like there was a girl whose primary hobby would be to meet guys off of MySpace by just telling them she wanted to suck dick and thats it (She wasn’t the cutest girl, so oral only contact might have been her best bet for getting male interaction). She was goth and obsessed with Harry Potter and would sometimes use a British accent and sometimes would not (you see, weird ass shit for no reason!) Her and her friends would loudly give recaps in the cafeteria, like blow-by-blow, a direct quote I recall was “Yes, his glorious cock gave me his seed!” Girl, get the fuck on with that freak-ass Shakespeare shit.

Going to school with mostly White folk also taught me that BITCH WE DO NOT ALL PARTY THE SAME! While my Black friends would talk shit about me drinking Jungle Juice til I blacked out and shaming me for getting fucked up to the point that I peed on someone’s diploma (Jessica Kendrick, I’m sorry about that girl…my bad.), my White friends encouraged my bullshit! Now there’s a girl we’ll call Anna, se was super cool with a girl who got monthly payouts because she was Native American and they had a casino on her people’s land, like HELLA BREAD. Anna and Richie Rich threw a pool party and had a whole bunch bottles, liquor was free so of course I had to be there, let me immerse myself in some rich bitch shit! we drinking turning up in the August sun in the middle of Georgia so yo know we are all hot and fucked up. Now Anna had gotten too ahead of herself, and she damn near passes out. We start panicking so we call the ambulance, I am still a child, bitch you not finna die on me! The ambulamps pulls up and they put Anna on the stretcher, and as they are loading her up and started treating her, her ass hops up out the stretcher! She says ‘If my parents see an ER trip on their bill they gonna kill me!” Anna’s ass shook the devil off REAL QUICK, she cant have Daddy not trusting her even though shes spending her food money on liquor! so she gets out the ambulance, but she’s still too fucked up to get home. Whos the most sober person in attendance. Me….17 year old ME. Now she has a luxury ass car, cant remember the model but it was the first car I had seen in person that had a backward faing camera. I took all those lessons I got from the girl at the dealership and got Anna’s ass back home, a true hero and shit.

Being Black at a predominately White college taught me that when you got money you got access, and when you got access you really are FREE; the world is your oyster. I had friends who were working two jobs barely eating scraping to get by but we were still turning up and living (it was fun as shit, we had to stand in the Free Line at the club, aint no VIP money so we got there early as fuck too, sun barely went down and we in line, OKAYYY!) and I had friends whose only care in the world is getting matching clit piercings as a group and we going out tonight ALL BOTTLES ON ME! I wanted the best of both worlds, and the experience at this school definitely helped mold me into the person I am. I learned to see crazy shit, peep crazy shit, mind your business, that it’s ok to be a free-spirit and I learned that just because you got money don’t mean you happy and just because you broke don’t mean life is fucked up. And that’s that y’all. Til next time.

One thought on “SCHOOL DAZE

  1. I LOVED aaaalllll the parts of this! I am sitting at my desk cackling! Please continue with the adventures of your college days. Seriously, I need more. I could just picture Barbara out here thotting it up in the hallway and even my lesbian self thought Chingy was fine back then. Dude look like a squirrel to me now. Encore! Encore!


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